Today I have a guest blog. She didn’t know she was writing for me…or for you. But, when I read my oldest daughter’s post on Facebook this morning, I thought a lot of you could relate. She’s 29, married, with 3 kids, ages 10, 8 and 1. Here’s her thoughts, with her permission to share.
I feel really compelled to post about something today. Not sure why but I feel like I need to share this. Quite often I am told that I am a perfect mother. I am always being asked how I manage to do it all and how I keep it together. Usually when people tell me this I still get a 3 second “why in the world do they think that?!?” delay in my brain. Then I remember it’s because I work really damn hard to appear that way. I’m also really good at giving advice. I can usually tell you how to handle any situation in the best way. Which is ironic because I don’t take any of my own advice. I act like I have it together because that’s what I am supposed to do. As a mother, as a woman, as a wife, as an adult. We are made to believe that we need to have it together. ESPECIALLY women and ESPECIALLY mothers. I don’t show any flaws or show that I’m tired, stressed, holding back tears or ready to pack up and sneak out in the middle of the night and go anywhere but here. But I am. Sometimes I have it together and it’s a good day. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I can’t look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry because all I see are flaws. I have stretch marks and a c section scar that feels like it’s a mile long. I hate it. I hate my body so much. First it was because I was always teased for being skinny. Then it was because I hated my pregnant body. Then it was because I hated my post pregnancy body. Then it was because I wasn’t curvy and thick. It’s horrible. And not just body image, sometimes I scream at my kids so loudly that I cry afterwards because I feel so awful for doing it. I get so exhausted and tired of hearing “mom” and picking up and solving problems and changing diapers that I snap and become this witch who is ready to sell her kids to the traveling circus. Ans sometimes before I go out or get ready, I stand in my closet and have anxiety attacks about getting dressed because I can’t fit into half of my clothes anymore but I keep them anyways because getting rid of them would mean I am accepting my new body and I don’t want to. So I stand there and panic about what to wear and how to make small talk and picture everyone staring at me and judging me. So I decide not to go. I spend so much time worrying. I spend so much time trying to be perfect. I put my self worth into all the wrong things. Like how fast I wash and put away laundry, how clean my kitchen is, and how pretty I look in a selfie. I think we all need to stop living to achieve a certain look and start living to achieve a certain quaility of life. All that time I spend standing in my closet worrying, could be spent doing something so much more important. I do a really good job. I am extremely flawed but I am also really good at a lot of stuff. It may not be the same stuff that the Facebook Jane’s or Instagram Betty’s are good at but I can give a one year old a bath WITHOUT getting the bathroom floor soaked. And I can cook a dinner so good that it would make Jesus swear. And I can make a badass fort out of only two chairs, one body pillow, a sheet and two zip ties. I can love my husband, my kids and myself with my whole heart. I can give myself more credit when I deserve it. I need to start doing that more. We all do I think. So here is me today with my normal, day to day look. There is something powerful about exposing your truth, letting everyone know that I’m flawed too. No makeup, breakouts, ridiculously dry skin (fck this dry winter air!!) unplucked eyebrows, bushy and undone hair in a bun (that is half out of the ponytail and just hanging there). Sweats, T-shirt and undone (or even painted for that matter) nails and toes. For breakfast I ate a Chobani and an apple. For lunch I’m eating a star crunch and a turkey and cracker lunchable. So there are my flaws and insecurities. You’re not the only one. We all have them. Stop the anxiety and start embracing yourself and all you have to offer. It’s more than you think. ❤️ And thank you Kolton and my babies for loving me despite all of my flaws and anxiety. You guys are the reason I am able to get out of bed some mornings.#wokeupfeelingpreachy #selflove #selfworth #flaws #acceptance #patience #progress #everyonehasabattle
Be kind, be grateful, be courageous,