Best shower scene ever!

When people are hurting, we need to ask nothing from them. They have nothing to give.

Yep! That’s the title. That’s the content of what’s on my mind today. The best shower scene ever made. Also, people are more likely to read if there is a provocative title, so whether you are here because you’re a perv, or because you are a fan, let’s talk about this.

James Bond movies. I’ve loved them since I was a little girl. I think it started because my dad loved them, and we bonded (see the pun there?) watching them together. Bond had the coolest gadgets and cars and got to go to the most exotic places. (When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said, “A spy.” Which breaks the number one spy rule of not letting anyone know you are a spy.) James often found himself in compromising positions with beautiful women. He’s never been a poster child for monogamy or for love. He’s been more of a “love the one your with” kind of fellow. But, things have changed.

In a recent 007 movie, Casino Royale, there is a two minute moment that is so beautiful. I show it to couples that I counsel. I use it to teach people how to love each other in a more meaningful way. (I probably should have titled this post “The Best Love Scene Ever” but some of you wouldn’t have clicked, and it’s probably you pervs that need to hear this the most.) So in Casino Royale, Bond (Daniel Craig) and Vesper (his love) have just been attacked by a gaggle of bad guys. Bond kills all of them. This is nothing new to James, but for Vesper, she is clearly traumatized, not being used to watching blood splattering and people being killed. James sends her off to tell his henchman where he has hidden the bodies and to get rid of them. He then goes back to a poker game with the ultimate bad guy.

Okay here’s the part that melts my heart. When James comes to the room, he finds Vesper sitting in the shower. He goes to her and…okay wait. You should watch this clip before we go any farther (skip to 2:15 to just see the shower part):

 

Did you see that incredibly unselfish display of love? She is sitting in the shower, fully clothed. He goes to her, without her asking, and sits with her, in the shower, fully clothed. Here’s the part I explain to my couples; he sees her, clearly upset, and without requiring her to do anything to receive his love, he joins her right where she is. In fact, he asks if she is cold and makes the water warmer. He makes her more comfortable in her space, without asking her to do anything. I’m tearing up writing about it. Do you understand the significance of this action? How good would it feel, when you are hurting or scared or broken hearted, to have someone come to you, right where you are, requiring nothing from you to accommodate them, and just sit with you?

He could have said so many things. “Let’s dry you off.”, “Let me take your dress off.”, “Come in the other room.”, “Stand up.”, “Come here so I can hold you.” He could have asked her to accommodate him so he would be less uncomfortable, but he didn’t. When people are hurting, we need to ask nothing from them. They have nothing to give. We need to go to them, accept where they are and stay beside them. Who “sits in the shower” with you? Who would you do this for?

The people you love need you to do this. Your children, your spouse, your friends. They need you to go to them and sit with them, accepting their feelings, not minimizing, not trying to cheer them up, not silver lining them, just being with them while they experience sadness, anger, loss, hurt, and letting them feel what they feel. We all just want to be accepted and understood in our dark moments. There is a time to help people move on, but there is a time to just “sit in the shower”. Who knew that cad Bond would teach us such a beautiful lesson about love?

Be kind, be grateful, be courageous,

Jules

 

So I’m loved…

“I often write about things that keep coming up in sessions. It seems like a lot of hurting people (all of us, right?) need to hear that they are precious and treasured and unconditionally loved.”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. “Jules, I’m trying to wrap my head around that.” He said he had always known it, but never felt it. We joked about the great distance it is between our head and our heart. Literally only about 12 inches, but a great distance exists between knowing something is true in your brain, and knowing it is true in your heart. He said he has always been good at the head part, but not so great at the heart part. He admitted that working on the heart part is not historically in his comfort zone, but he’s starting to warm up to it.

What I had told him was that God loves him. Not because of anything he has done, but just because he is His. This idea of unconditional love. The idea that you are loved not for your performance, not for your behavior, not for any reason other than you are created by God and He loves you. This was mind blowing. Heart breaking in the best sense.

You don’t believe in God? Ok. He still loves you. You don’t acknowledge God? Romans 829
Ok. He still loves you. You have done a thousand terrible things? Ok. He still loves you. You struggle with your faith? Ok. He still loves you. You can’t escape it. You can’t make it go away. You can’t make Him stop.

He won’t force it on anyone. It’s there. Freely for you to have. But, it’s always your choice. Even if you don’t accept it, He still loves you.

I always told my kids, “I don’t love you because you are smart, or funny or kind, even though you are those things, I love you just because you are mine.” There is nothing my kids can do to make me stop loving them. They could reject me, disown me, stop acknowledging me, and it would break my heart. But, guess what? I would still love them. That’s my choice, not theirs.

And, if I, a simple, flawed, imperfect human can love like that, just imagine how much more God can love. How perfectly and purely and wholly God can love. It’s not about religion, it’s about relationship.

not so powerfulI often write about things that keep coming up in sessions. It seems like a lot of hurting people (all of us, right?) need to hear that they are precious and treasured and unconditionally loved. When that moves from your head to your heart…that’s powerful stuff. It’s overwhelming. To feel and know in your heart that you are loved despite your mistakes, despite your unbelief, despite…well, anything.  Sit back and immerse yourself in that love. Rest in that love and let it fill you with a peace that you are searching for. Sink into that love and find acceptance.  Snuggle into that love and stop struggling.

It’s here. It’s happening right now. You are being loved. You are being pursued. As you read this you are being treasured and prized and adored. It’s here. That’s His choice. Can you accept it? That’s your choice.

Be kind, be grateful, be courageous,

Jules